Foolish Games
by Lily Potter4
Summary: This is fluffy bunny rabbits. Total fluff. Snogging, Dancing, Truth or dare ... But it is also sort of sad ... Have fun! R
1. Foolish Games

Disclaimer : The song belongs to Jewel. Everything HP belongs to JK Rowling. The plot, to me.   
  
  
You took of your coat  
And stood in the rain  
You were always crazy like that  
  
Lily watched, from Gryffindor Tower, as James, her best friend James, took  
Cassie out for a moonlit broom ride. Cassie, his new flame. She sighed, and  
pressed her hand against the window. She took it off, the place where it had  
been was moist, and it was stained. She put her hand back on the window,  
as she steadied herself, to look further, until they were around the corner  
and out of sight. She could hear footsteps behind her. She felt arms around  
her waist, and then someone burying their chin in her shoulder.  
"Don't worry Lily."  
It was Sirius. She smiled up at him.   
"About what?"  
He let her go, and beckoned her over to a chair by the fire.  
"I saw you looking out the window. And I know what you were looking at.  
And, I'm sorry, but you can't hide it from me. I know you too well. But don't  
worry. One day, James will wake up."  
Lily just smiled wanly at him, and then stared back into the fire.  
"He's just ...too lost in the forest that he can't see the trees."  
Lily laughed.  
"Oh, come on Sirius. You know I'll only ever be friends with him ..."  
"Maybe." He said, wisely. "And maybe that's the best way. But maybe ...  
Maybe James will realise what he finally wants."  
"What is that supposed to mean?" She said, turning around. But when she  
did, he was gone. She looked up to the boys staircase, and saw his  
retreating back. She smiled. Sirius could always be counted on for things  
like this.   
  
~*~  
  
An hour or so later, James walked into the common room. He found it  
deserted, except for a small figure sitting in an arm chair by the fire. He  
grinned. He went and sat down beside it.  
"Hey stranger."  
She jumped in surprise.  
"Oh ... hi." And then she turned away.  
'What's wrong?"  
"Hmm ?"  
"Well, you are acting sort of strange."  
"What do you mean?"  
"Well ... normally you're overjoyed to see me."  
"Aren't we the modest one." Said Lily, with a grin.   
James grinned back at her.  
"Well, I'm tired Lils. Goodnight!"  
He pulled her into a hug, and then walked off into the darkness and up the  
stairs. Lily looked back into the fire, and this time, the firelight was glinting  
off something else than just her eyes. Her tears.  
  
  
I watched from the window  
Always felt I was outside  
Looking in on you   
  
"'Hey Jamsie Boy. What's up?"  
"The sky."  
"Aren't we a genius this evening?"  
"O shut it."  
"What's wrong with you now? Trouble in paradise ?"  
"No ... Lily was just acting strange. Do you know anything about it? I mean,  
did I say anything to her? Do anything wrong?"  
He looked around at Sirius and Remus. They both climbed into their beds,  
and shut the drapes forcefully.   
"We know nothing!"  
James was confused. Very, very confused. What would Sirius and Remus  
know about Lily that he didn't! After all, he was Lily's best friend. And then  
came Daniella. But ... Oh my, he was too tired. Sirius' voice came back from  
behind the curtains.  
'So ... How was Cassie ?"  
"She's an idiot. She kept blabbing on about how she was so lucky I chose  
her, and how everyone is in love with me ... It was all I could do to not  
throw her off my broom stick."  
"Was she a good kisser?"  
"Is that all you ever think about?"  
"No, but it's all YOU ever think about."  
"No I don't."  
"Yes you do."  
"Whatever."  
"You haven't answered my question."  
"Fine. She was horrible."  
Even though James couldn't see Sirius, he could tell that Sirius was wearing  
a big, triumphant grin.  
  
~*~  
  
"Time to partner up!"  
Lily grabbed Daniella, and they sat at their usual table, with James and  
Sirius. Emily, Sarah, Peter and Remus sat at the next table.   
"So ... what's everyone doing for the Valentine's day dance?" Asked  
Daniella.  
"I don't know yet." Said James.   
"Not Cassie?" Said Lily, with surprise.  
"Definitely not Cassie." Said James, sniggering. He and Sirius exchanged a  
Look. Lily shook her head in disgust.  
"Who are you going with?' Sirius asked Lily.  
"No one, yet ... But Donahue, Morgan, and Snape have already asked me."  
"What?! But the dance was only announced at breakfast!"  
Lily blushed. "So, Sirius. Who are you taking?"  
"Lily." He said without missing a beat.  
"You are?!" Demanded Lily, James, and Remus all at once.  
"Lily, do you wanna go to the ball with me?"  
Lily gave him a once over.  
"I'd love to."  
Sirius lept up, and gave her a hug. He looked over at James, and saw  
exactly what he had been looking for. Something like ... jealousy? He  
wasn't trying to steal Lily. Not at all. He just wanted James to grow up. I  
mean, he thought, he was SURE that James felt the same way about Lily.  
Come on! He had to. But he wasn't realizing it.   
  
  
You were all the mysterious one with  
Dark eyes and careless hair  
  
Lily sat there, motionless, while the others discussed what they were going  
to do about the ball. She had just said yes to Sirius. Why had Sirius asked  
her? He knew she liked James ... But she couldn't have said that in front of  
everyone. She looked over at James. She loved the way his eyes sparkled  
mischievously, the way his hair fell across his face, and had a mind of it's  
own. It was 6th year. He looked up, and caught her looking at him. He  
smiled at her, and she blushed, and looked away.  
  
~*~  
  
Why had Sirius asked her to the dance? Sirius! Of all people! I mean ...  
Didn't Sirius like Daniella ? As far as anyone knew, he did. And he  
DEFINITELY didn't like Lily. So ... Oh, he was confused. He looked up at  
Lily. She was looking right back at him. He smiled, she blushed and turned  
away. Lily? Blushing? Oh my ... I need to have my head examined, he  
thought. I think I'm going blind. He looked at Daniella.   
"So Dan. How about it?"  
Dani smiled, and said yes. But James could tell her heart wasn't in it.   
  
You were fashionably sensitive  
But too cool to care  
  
  
That night, Lily and James were walking home from dinner together.  
"So ... Are you looking forward to the dance?" Lily asked James.  
"Ya ... I guess. But Daniella wouldn't be my first choice."  
"Then why on earth would you ask her?"  
"Because, well, I guess I haven't found the one, yet. I mean, I suppose  
she's out there, but ... I just haven't found her. But believe me, Lils. When I  
do, you'll be the first to know."  
Lily had stopped walking. She stared at him with disgust.  
"You don't get it, do you James?" She said, half laughing. "You just, don't  
get it."  
And she turned and ran back down the stairs, towards the kitchens. James,  
was, by now, very confused. What in the world didn't he get? He thought he  
was being perfectly reasonable. It's not HIS fault that he hasn't found her  
yet. Not his fault at all. He walked up the stairs to the portrait of the fat  
lady, said the pass word 'flibbertigibbet' and walked in. He was sitting on  
his bed, in his boxers, playing cards, when Sirius walked in.  
"Hey James ... What's up?"  
"I am very vexed. Very. Very vexed."  
"Vexed, hmm ? I don't like that word. Why are you so vexed ?"  
James regaled him with the events of the night. Sirius was practically  
laughing by the time he finished, and looking at James with complete and  
utter disbelief.   
"You know, she's right. You just don't get it."  
And James watched, dumbfounded, as Sirius walked out.   
"Whatever." He said, and then turned around, and immediately started snoring. Remus came in  
later, along with Lily, Sirius, Sarah, Emily, Peter and Daniella, and they all sat on many of the  
beds, talking, while all the while, James snored on, like a bulldozer. Sirius giggled like a girl, and  
then brought out his wand. He squirted James with water, and nothing happened. He did it again,  
and this time, shot awake. His hair was askew, and his glasses were at the end of his nose.  
'Wha ... what's going on ..." He sounded confused, and totally out of it. But then, he began to see  
what was going on. "Aha ! You guys were having a party ... I like party's. Thanks for waking me  
up."  
"No, James. We are going to play truth or dare."  
"We are?" Chorused everyone in the room, aside from Sirius, who grinned evilly.   
"Yes, we are. Remus' is first."  
'I am?" Cried Remus, with dismay.   
"Yes, you are. Truth or dare?"  
Remus looked thoughtful. "Dare."  
"I dare you to tap dance naked in front of McGonagall."  
Everyone stared at Sirius.  
"I'm JOKING! Fine. Kiss Emily."  
Remus nonchalantly leaned over and kissed her, acting like it was no big deal. But when he pulled  
away, he was a good deal redder than he had been when he had originally gone. Sirius then  
grinned evilly.  
"Jamsie ... truth or dare."  
"Dare."  
"Snog with Lily."  
"What?!" Cried Lily. "I can't!"  
'Why can't you?" Asked James, out of curiosity.  
"I just .." But before she could get anything out, James' mouth was on hers.  
  
~*~  
  
Sirius watched amusedly as James kissed Lily. Well, snogged. It was fairly obvious that Lily bever  
had before, and VERY obvious that James had, more than his share. When they broke apart ( it  
was a good deal later ) everyone was staring at them.   
  
~*~  
  
Lily pulled away. She couldn't believe what she had just done. She was bright red, she could feel  
it. 'Am I nuts?' She wondered. I'm going completely bonkers. O, hell, and she leaned back in.   
  
You stood in my doorway  
With nothing to say  
Besides some comment on the weather  
  
Later that night, when Lily and Daniella were sitting in the dark, talking ...  
"I can't believe you did that!" Exclaimed Dan.  
"Neither can I."  
"But, mind you, James didn't look too upset."  
"No ... I don't suppose he did."  
"So .. What's up between you two anyway?"  
"Nothing."  
"But you wish there was ... Don't you?"  
"Maybe ..." She admitted. "Sometimes, I do. Sometimes, I don't. Today was a 'do' night."  
"We noticed."  
"I wonder if James did?"  
"Ya ..."  
"It would be about time, if he did."  
"Yes ... Are you mad? About me, going to the ball with him?"  
"No ... you aren't mad about Sirius are you?"  
"I was. But, that isn't going to get me anywhere, is it."  
"No, I don't suppose it will."  
  
Well in case you failed to notice  
In case you failed to see  
  
Lily pulled on her green dress, that went all the way down to the floor, and swept up her hair into  
an upsweep. Daniella grabbed some clips, including little butterflys that actually moved, and stuck  
them in random places, making sure they looked just right. And then , Lily did her makeup. She  
examined herself in the mirror, and then sat down on the bed. She sat there, along with Dani, until  
a knock came at their door. Emily pulled it open, and the 4 guys walked in. ( Emily was going  
with Peter ) and Lily got up. She avoided looking at James, and walked straight over to Sirius.  
Sirius presented her with a perfect white rose. She Squealed with delight, and threw her arms  
around him. Soon, he offered her his arm, and they made their way down to the hall.  
  
~*~  
  
James looked at Lily, as she walked across the room towards Sirius, still contemplating what had  
happened 3 nights ago. She still hadn't talked to him about it. He watched as Sirius presented her  
with the rose, and watched her hug him. He looked jealously on. How could he be jealous? Snap  
out of it Potter. This is your best friend. You do NOT fall for her. No matter how pretty she is.  
  
  
  
This is my heart, bleeding before you  
This is me down on my knees  
  
And these foolish games  
Are tearing me apart  
And your thoughtless words  
Are breaking my heart  
Breaking my heart ...  
  
  
Lily watched James and Daniella dancing. Daniella was pressed up against his chest, and was  
obviously enjoying it. Half the girls in the hall were staring at her, jealously. Everyone wanted a  
piece of James. Lily felt Sirius squeeze her. She closed her eyes, not letting herself watch over his  
shoulder anymore. Instead, she let her head rest on his shoulder. How long she stayed like that,  
she didn't know, but it was more than one song. Finally, she felt a tapping on her back. It was  
James.   
"May I cut in?" He asked Sirius. Sirius nodded, and retreated to Dani, where they both got  
punches, and sat watching.   
Lily felt herself in James' arms. Had she not been so uncomfortable around him lately, she would  
have enjoyed it more. After all, she was a girl, right ?  
"Uh ... Lils? I think we should talk."  
Lily moved to pull away, but he held her closer. Lily stopped struggling.   
"Fine. Whatever about?"  
"Well ... you have been sort of ... avoiding me, these past couple of days-"  
"Hmm ... I wonder whatever that could be about?"  
"Look, Lily. It was just a stupid game of truth or dare. It doesn't mean anything unless you want  
it to."  
"But what if I do, James? Why the hell do you think I've been avoiding you all this time? Because  
I think I'm falling for you. And I don't know. And, since you are commonly acknowledged as the  
biggest player in the school. I mean, come on! I'm your best friend! I've seen everyone you go  
out with. But no, I have always just been on the side, like an old shoe, haven't I ? Just,  
dependable old Lily. But, you know what? You don't get it. I mean, Jesus! Every day, you would  
go out with someone, tell me all about it ... Tell me how you hadn't met the one for you yet ...  
Were you being purposely stupid, or did you just not see? I mean, even SIRIUS did."  
James just gaped at her.   
  
You were always brilliant in the morning  
Smoking your cigarettes, and talking over coffee  
Philosophy's are not moved  
  
"No, wait, don't answer that. I don't want to hear it." And she pulled out of James' arms, and  
went to go talk to Sirius. The 2 of them soon left the hall, and Daniella came over to James.  
"Did the thing that I think just happen there actually happen?"  
James nodded deftly.   
"I've been really stupid ... haven't I?'  
Daniella smiled sadly at him.  
  
  
And these foolish games are  
Tearing me, you're tearing me,  
You're tearing me apart  
  
"Uh ... Lily? Can we talk?"  
"Oh, not this again."  
"No, seriously. Lily ... Ever since 3 days ago ... I think I've, well, fallen for you. And i think I did  
before that too, but I was too stupid to realize it. Or, I didn't want to. You were my best friend  
and all. I mean, going out with every girl in our year is one thing, but ... you were my best friend.  
And I didn't want to lose what we had."  
  
  
  
And your thoughtless words are  
Breaking my heart  
Breaking my heart ...  
  
"Did you ever think that, maybe, we had already lost it?"  
"What do you mean?'  
"Well, when you think about it, when somebody says "My innocence is being lost forever." or  
something along those lines, it means that it was already gone. I mean, once you think about  
losing our friendship, it's already lost. So we can go one way or another."  
  
  
You took your coat off  
And stood in the rain  
You were always crazy   
  
Lily stood at the Gryffindor Tower, watching as James took Natalie out for a moonlit broom ride.   
  
Like ... that  
  
  
  
( A/N ! This will be continued ! L and J will get together, don't worry.) 


	2. Color Blind

Color Blind  
  
I am color blind  
  
James Potter was a very confident boy. He knew he was good. He just Knew that he had what all  
the ladies wanted. He was suave ... good looking ... intelligent ... debonaire ... a great Quidditch  
player ... popular .... and a very good kisser, or so he's heard. His best friend was a girl named  
Lily Evans, also a very popular girl. Also very gorgeous. They had always had a very good  
friendship ; they were both stubborn, both impossible ... both loved to have fun. It all worked out  
into the perfect relationship ! Right ? Well ... things lately had become a bit more complicated.  
He, James Potter, the guy who only dated girls for their looks and their rack, found himself  
actually falling ... and we are talking Serious falling ... for his best friend. The one girl he had  
sworn himself against.   
  
Coffee black and egg white  
Pull me out from inside  
  
And naturally, being a guy and all, he turned seriously witchy with a b in front. Towards her. And  
he started taking every girl out in sight. Trying to get his mind off her. But no. Every step she  
took, every smile she smiled, every time she looked at him, it was perfection. She was perfection.  
But every time she dated another guy, every time she treated him like he was just a friend ... he  
was drove beyond sanity.   
  
I am ready   
I am ready  
  
He just ... just didn't know what to make of it. He couldn't trust himself, couldn't trust Lily. Hell,  
he was Furious at Lily ! And it didn't make sense why he would be, he knew that, but he was. He  
also felt a sort of quiet desperation any time he was around her ... any time she was near. And  
then ... she started avoiding him. Not the 'casually and gradually slip away and back into the  
shadows and away from scary - boy' but 'get the hell out of here faster than you can say 'Fast'  
kind of avoidance. And he didn't know what he had done. Sure, he had fallen in love with her, he  
thought sarcastically. That shouldn't give her any reason to be hacked off, should it ? And then ...  
came that fateful night where she had said that she, the perfection, loved him. She loved him !  
And he loved her ! But no ... he was too scared of his feelings, too unbelievingly blind ... he ... he  
took another person out again. He said he had loved her too, but that was it. He had backed away  
slowly ... He ... just didn't say anything.  
When she had said that 'now they could go one way or the other ...' He knew that she had  
implied that either they could date, or they could go on like they were now, almost to the point of  
enemies. Well, the next night, he took another girl out for the traditional boon lit broom ride. He  
looked up halfway through, and Lily was standing in Gryffindor Tower, the moonlight lighting her  
face, which beheld an expression which James couldn't decipher. Unexplainable ... it was pain ...  
anger ... and a sadness that James had never seen in her eyes. He felt horrible. He wanted to rush  
up there, and give her a hug, tell her everything was going to be alright ... but no. He couldn't.   
  
I am ready   
I am ...  
Taffy stuck and tongue tied  
  
"Hey Lily." James said, as he walked down the stairs leading from their dormitories. It was  
tradition. Every morning, since sometime in first year, they walked down the stairs together,  
chatting. The day always began with James saying hi. But not today. Lily smiled sarcastically at  
him, and continued down the stairs with Sirius. Sirius glared at him when they reached the bottom  
of the stairs. Obviously, Sirius knew what had happened. He grabbed Lily's arm, and steered her  
away from the stairs, and out the door of the common room. James knew that, had it been himself   
who was hurt, Sirius would be doing the same thing to Lily. Sirius was like that. He always  
protected his best friends.   
  
Stutter shook and uptight  
Pull me out from inside  
  
James shivered, though he wasn't cold. He could hear foot steps behind him.   
"Don't worry about it." He turned around, and there was Remus.   
"What just happened there ?"  
"What do you think?' Remus was nice, but he was straight, and to the point. He never skirted  
around things, or sugar coated them.  
"Look, it's not my fault that Lily likes me. And it's not my fault that I don't like her ! You don't  
choose who you fall in love with ! So stop treating me like I purposely stomped all over her heart  
in a mad, wild, cheetah dance like some Neanderthal, screaming like a Banshee who has had too  
much mead !"  
"But you see, James, that's the problem right there. You love her ! You told her ! Why the  
sudden change of mind ! Do you want me to spell it out back wards ? Reh evol ouy ! Her love  
you ! Yes ! She loves you ! Can't you see that ? Or are you turning into a Sirius - like thug who  
wouldn't know true love if it came up and hit him in the nose wearing a see through orange  
lingerie !"  
"How did you know about that ?"  
"About what ?"  
"The see through orange lingerie thing ... that's between me and Sirius."  
"Who cares ! I hear you talk during your sleep. And I know what goes on in your head-"  
"You don't want to see what's in my head." James grinned evilly.  
"No, I most certainly don't. I'm sure it's disgusting. But that's beside the point! YOU LOVE  
HER!"  
  
I am ready   
I am ready  
  
James' shoulders sagged visibly. But he had a vision in his mind, that brightened his situation  
considerably, involving Lily, James, a Porsche, and the piece of see through orange lingerie, just  
like he found in his mother's drawers. Ugh ... scary thought.   
"Fine. What if I did love her? What then ? How on earth am I supposed to tell her? She's my best  
friend !"  
"No offence, James, but I wouldn't be so sure that she was your best friend any longer.  
Remember the Neanderthal dance?"  
James grimaced.  
"Could we not talk about that?"  
"Where were you when they were handing out moral decency ?"  
"Sorry, I was in line for good looks."  
"Look like they were sold out before you got to the counter."  
James slugged Remus. Remus grinned and jumped away. James proceeded to chase Remus  
around the common room, until they fell panting against a chair.   
"I think we should go down to breakfast" Panted Remus, looking around at the now empty  
common room.   
James grinned.   
"Yeah, maybe."  
  
I am ready   
I am ...  
Fine   
  
James and Remus walked into the hall, alone. Everyone else was in there already, and everyone  
just stared at them as he walked past. Had the news really traveled that quickly ? He sighed, and  
headed for his usual seat, next to Sirius. He sat down, with Remus on the other side, but Sirius  
wouldn't look at him. His back was to James, and he talking quietly with Lily. James looked at  
her, she had bags under her eyes, and she looked tired, But she looked as beautiful as ever. He  
prodded Sirius in the back. Sirius turned around.  
"Can I talk to you?'  
Sirius shrugged. But he got up. James could feel everyone's eyes on their backs as they left the  
hall. James led Sirius into the Entrance Hall, and leaned back against one of the pillars.   
"So, what did you want to talk to me about?' Asked Sirius, though it was obvious he knew what.  
"Isn't it obvious?'  
"Well, all I know is that 2 nights ago, Lily admitted that she loved you. And ... lo and behold, you  
said that you loved her too! Wow, that must have made her so happy. And it should have made  
you happy, because you finally got the one thing you wanted. But no. And then, the next night,  
you went and took Natalie out! Hmm ... how was your snog session? I hope it was better than  
Lily's, because you will Never EVER be with Lily, not after that."  
"Is it my fault? Honestly? She loved me, I didn't love her. Period. End of story."  
"Then why did you tell her you did. Why did you get her hopes up, hmm James ? You know  
what? I think you're lying to me. I think you do love her. But you're a coward. An emotional  
iceberg. You're too afraid of your own feelings, so you run away. Well you know what? Love  
isn't easy. So grow up, and accept it, because she is the ONLY person you belong with."  
"So what if I am a coward? Fine. I am. But, I am sorry, Sirius, but she is my BEST FRIEND. And  
you just don't fall in love with your best friend."  
"Well, she did. And so did you. Why can't you just accept it? Because you love her! And now, do  
you have any idea what you did to her? Last night , she was sobbing. SOBBING ! Have you ever  
seen Lily cry? I haven't ! And she was pouring every tear out of her body. Over you. And I don't  
think you deserve to be cried over right now, personally."  
  
I am covered in skin  
No one gets to come in   
  
"You don't get is Sirius, do you! You just ... don't get it."  
"Well, sorry to burst your bubble, James, but let me be the first to tell you, you are the one who  
doesn't get it."  
"Excuse me? ME? You are the one who wouldn't know true love if it came up and danced naked  
in front of you wearing Dumbledore's hat!"  
"That's because I don't love anyone, idiot. Don't get all hacked off at me! I haven't met her yet !  
But you have !"  
James wilted.   
"How am I supposed to tell her ..."  
"Tell her what, James? That you love her? Oh ... wait. You already said that. That you lied to her?  
Well, I think she knew that already. That you want forgiveness? That'll be hard. Good luck. That  
you are a coward? Well, ain't that the truth. Personally, I think you should sit her down, and tell  
her EVERYTHING. And we are talking from falling in love with her in 3rd year, and hmm ..  
Now it's 6th year! And that you talked about her every night for 3 years! That you love her so  
much it's bordering on obsession, that you are scared of your own feelings, and that, yes, you  
have finally found your soul mate! And that, through everyone else you have dated, you have  
never felt that heart stopping - weak at the knees - blurry eyed - kind of love that I know you feel  
around her ! And don't say that any of that isn't true, because James, I KNOW IT IS !"  
"It's not that easy." James mumbled.  
"No, of course it isn't. Nothing ever is. But, you should tell her any way."  
  
Pull me out from inside   
I am folded  
And unfolded  
  
James groaned. He put his face in his hands. Sirius turned and walked towards the Great Hall.  
James saw him disappear through the door, and he realized that he had completely lost his  
appetite. He turned, and walked up the marble staircase that led to the tower. He found himself in  
the common room, sitting on one of the plush chairs, where he had found Lily 2 days ago. He  
sighed, and sunk against the comfort. He began thinking of Lily, and slowly began to drift off ...  
  
~*~  
  
"James? Jaaaaameeeeeees !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Nothing was working.   
"Lily, come over here!" Sirius called. Lily came over. "Now, poke him ( lightly, Lily, lightly ) in  
the face." Lily, looking confused, did what she was told. James' eyes opened, and he jumped  
slightly, succeeding in making his chair tip backwards. Soon, he was left curled up under the  
gigantic chair. Lily and Sirius laughed.   
"Ow! A little help here ..." They could hear James muffled voice.   
Lily laughed, a strange, strained laugh that reverberated in James' ears, and walked off. Sirius  
rolled over the chair, and stuck out a hand. James grabbed it, and hoisted himself up. He dusted  
himself off, and looked at Lily, who was sitting next to the fireplace.   
"What am I going to do?" He moaned.   
Sirius just looked at him grinned, and walked away, singing in his head a muggle song, ' And it's  
... so hard to do, and so easy to say, but sometimes ( sometimes ) you just have to walk away (  
walk away ) ...' Hmm ... how appropriate...  
  
***  
  
"Lily ?"  
Lily looked up, and found herself looking into the bespectacled eyes of James Potter. Against her  
will, her heart fluttered. She shook herself.  
"What do you want ?" She asked harshly.   
He winced visibly.   
"Well," he said, settling himself gingerly beside her. 'I know I'm probably not the person you  
want to talk to most right now ..."  
'Well, ain't that the understatement of the century' thought Lily. ( A/N Everything done like this  
will be Lily's thoughts.)  
"... But I want you to hear me out. 3 years ago ..."  
'Oh my ... how long is this story going to be?" thought Lily.   
"... I think I began to fall in love with you..."  
'Well, that's something I didn't expect to hear.'  
"... And ... everything just got messed up from then on. Do you have any idea how it feels, to fall  
in love with your best friend ?"  
'I believe I do ...'  
"Well, it hurts. And so, to compensate, I started dating every girl in sight. But with no one, no  
one, I'm telling you, I got that feeling I got when I was around you."  
'Huh?'  
"And ... then when you said you loved me too ... I mean, it was like a dream come true."  
'Wait ... this doesn't tally.'  
"But ... as Sirius so ... kindly ... told me earlier, I'm a coward ... and emotional iceberg, etc. And I  
tell you ... I never though I was. But maybe I am ... Jesus, I've been a complete wanker, haven't  
I?"  
'Well, you could say that again.'  
"And i guess ..... uh .... I was too scared of my feelings."  
  
And unfolding  
I am ...  
Color Blind  
  
"You know what James ? You need to grow up. If you are going to get anywhere, you have to.  
Don't give me that too scared - of - my - own - feelings bull. Because you know what, James ? If  
you had wanted to date me, you would have. And you know what ? You wouldn't know the  
chance of a lifetime if it danced named in front of you wearing a piece of see through orange  
lengerie !"  
"Does EVERYONE know about that ?" James cried furiously.  
'What?"  
"Nevermind. Continue."  
"And ... you know what ? I think you lost me."  
James wilted. But he picked himself back up again.   
"No I didn't."  
"You didn't what ?"  
"I haven't lost you. Not yet."  
"And this is for you to decide, I suppose?"  
"Of course not. Don't be daft. But I still haven't lost you."  
"How do you know?"  
"You wouldn't be sitting here talking to me if I had."  
Lily scowled. She turned to get up, but James grabbed her wrist.   
"Please Lily, don't leave."  
  
Coffee black and egg white  
Pull me out from inside  
I am ready   
  
"What?"  
"Please Lily ... I asked. Don't leave. If you leave, then I cant help but feel that I have lost you  
forever ... If you leave ... I don't know what I will do. So if you care for me at all, don't leave.  
Stay."  
"I'm sorry James ... but I have to ..."  
And she turned and walked away, up the stairs, and out of sight.   
  
I am ready   
I am ready   
I am ready ...  
I am fine ...   
  
(A/N ! DUH DUH DUH ! I'm such a bad bad girl ! But isn't this story amazing ? Ya, I thought  
so ! REVIEW,or I'll STOP THE STORY ! If I don't get 10 reviews at least in the first couple of  
days for this, all of you lovely fans will never find out what happens !   
Hehe ... I'm so evil !  
  
I LOVE ALL YOU REVIEWERS !   
*kisses*  
Lily Potter 


	3. Its Is You

It is you   
  
  
Disclaimer : Well, this song belongs to Dana Glover, the singer, as I don't  
know the writer. This song you should download, it is from the movie  
SHREK , and it is the most amazing song EVER ! Everything you recognize  
belongs to the great JK Rowling, and the plot, to ME ! YES ! ME !   
  
There is something that I see  
In the way you look at me  
  
James stared at Lily's retreating back, unable to believe what just  
happened. Lily, his love, his life ... she was walking away. She turned to go  
up the stairs, and didn't look back.   
  
~*~  
  
Lily paused as she was heading up the stairs. Tears welled in her eyes. Of  
course she was in love with James. But giving into him would be too easy.  
And she didn't know if she still loved him ... He had hurt her too deeply.  
She leaned against the wall, and broke down in sobs. She didn't know what  
she was crying about. She just crouched against the wall, and let  
everything out.   
  
~*~  
  
Sirius watched as Lily walked away, and didn't move a muscle. He watched  
James' dumbfounded face pale as he watched her. Something had gone  
wrong ... but what. Lily was not a cruel person, ... yet she must have know  
what this would do to James. He got up, and didn't go to comfort James. He  
walked slowly and quietly to the foot of the stairs, seeing what he had  
expected to ; Lily was crouched in a little ball, sobbing her eyes out. People  
at the top of the stairs were staring down at her, shocked. They didn't know  
whether to come down the stairs or not. A little first year girl, Belethena  
Bogushart or something like that burst into tears too, for no apparent  
reason. Soon the head Girl, Linda Child , was torn between comforting  
Belethena and trying to reach Lily through the throng of people. Sirius  
didn't help her. This was between Lily and James, it was an issue of finally  
realizing what they both wanted.   
  
There's a smile  
There's a truth  
  
  
  
  
James got up. He pulled himself off the chair, and headed for the stairs that took him up to his  
room. There was a crowd mulling around the bottom of the stairs. They were all looking very  
confused.   
"What is it?' He asked a fat boy named Will Wilfred.   
He pointed up through a gap in the people. James blanched. There was Lily, sobbing her eyes out  
in a little ball, crouched near the wall.  
"Oh my GOD ! Look at her ! Doesn't she know that every one is watching her ? I bet she just  
wants the attention." Giggled Lucinda Baguette.  
James slapped her hard across the face. ( I know, I know. Yes, James was told by his mother not  
to hit girls, but ... he was mad. )   
"Don't you ever say that again." He growled. Lucinda looked taken aback. James had just gone  
out with her a couple nights ago.  
"Oh Jamsie." she said, touching his arm, and pressing herself right up against him, "you don't  
mean that, do you?"  
"Yeah. I do. Don't be daft." And he pushed through the crowd. He reached Lily, picked her up in  
his arms, and carried her to her bedroom. He kicked the door open with his foot, and lay her  
down on her bed . ( Well, it might have been Daniella's, for all he knew. ) Lily looked up at him,  
her eyes blurry. Then they started to clear. When he supposed she could see who he was clearly,  
she turned away, and wouldn't look at him.  
"You know what you are ?' Said James coldly. "You're Frosty the Snow Bitch. And emotional  
iceberg. Jesus, Lily. Why do you have to be so cold ?'  
"James ... I-"  
But by then he had already stormed out the door.   
  
  
  
In your eyes  
But an unexpected way  
  
Lily turned, and let out the full water works. How could she have been so stupid? So ...  
unbelievably daft ? And now James was completely hacked off at her ... Dizzily, she got up. She  
wobbled over to the door, and opened it, to a crowd of people.   
"Get away ! Get out of here before I ... before I Avada Kedavra every single one of you !" She  
screamed. They all ran, in case she was actually serious. She couldn't see James any where.   
  
  
~*~  
  
"Sirius ! Sirius ! Do you know where James is?"  
"No, I don't, and care to explain why you might be look for him?"  
"Not now .." She said snappily. Then she remember the whole frosty the snow bitch thing, and  
gave Sirius a huge hug. "Thanks for the help Sirius !"  
And she turned and walked away, leaving a very confused Sirius standing there, scratching his  
head in bewilderment.   
  
  
~*~  
  
James stormed along the third floor corridor, until he reached the statue of the hump backed  
witch. He pulled out his wand, tapped it, and climbed inside. As he ran down the passage,  
thoughts flooded his mind. What the hall was wrong with Lily? Did she always have to be so cold  
? It's not like he did anything that horrible ! He admitted that he loved her ! And that everything  
else was just a crazy mistake. And Lily left. Shouldn't it be himself who is mad ? Not the other  
way around ? UGH ! Women !   
  
~*~  
  
"Ah ... Ms. Evans. How are you doing to day?"  
"Well, Professor Dumbledore, I'm looking for James. I need to find him. Do you have any idea  
where he is ?'  
"No, I am sorry Ms. Evans. The last I saw of him, he was storming off down the Third Floor  
North Corridor. You look quite upset, Ms. Evans. May I suggest, as you are our top student, and  
you can no possible way focus like this, that you take a trip down into Hogsmead ? I will tell all  
your teachers that you were in the Hospital Wing."  
'Excuse me ? ... I can't just ... Not go to class."  
"I demand you must." And his eyes started twinkling very brightly. "I will not have my top 6th  
year student making a fool of herself in class, and getting worn out. I will not stand for it. So ..  
Off you go !"  
And he herded her out the door, and slammed it behind her, leaving a very confused Lily standing  
in the hall. Well, top student she may be, but idiot she was not. Why waste a time like this ? She  
ran up to Gryffindor Tower, yelled the password ( bubblilciohjefs ), and grabbed her money bag.  
She walked out the door, ( everyone was staring at her ) and soon found herself out on the  
grounds. She began the long walk to Hogsmead.   
  
~*~  
  
James walked into the Three Broomsticks, and waved hello to Madame Rosemereta, and walked  
up to the counter.  
'2 Extra Large Butterbeers."  
'Why, James!" She laughed. "I only see one person!"  
"Like I said, 2 Extra - Large Butterbeers."  
"Alright then!" She filled two huge mugs, and handed them to him.   
"How much will that be?"  
"It's on the house. I can see you have something wrong with you. Don't worry. I'll collect  
sometime."  
And she grinned and walked off. James went to a solitary table in the corner, and sat down.  
  
  
On this unexpected day  
Could this be where I belong ?  
It is you   
I have loved all along  
  
  
Lily peered around the corner, and then remembered that she didn't have to worry about getting  
caught. ( Yes, our hero had sneaked into Hogsmead many a time ). She saw the sign for the  
Three Broomsticks, and walked towards it. She opened the door, and was sucked happily into the  
familiarity of the place. Old wizards, Hagrid - Like people, Hags, trolls, everyone congregated  
there. She walked up to the counter, and she could see into the mirror behind the counter. Her  
hair was trussed up and messy, her face was pale, and her eyes rimmed red from crying. She  
looked like a complete wreck.   
"Lily ? Lily Evans ?"  
She turned around, and there was Madame Rosemerta.   
"Ya, it's me."  
"Oh no, not you too ! What is going on at Hogwarts ?"  
"What do you mean ?"  
"Well, I had someone order their drink just 3 minutes ago or so, and he looked just as bad as you  
did !"  
" Well, as far as I know, I'm the only one Dumbledore let out of class."  
"Well, I hope you take advantage of it. Looks like you need it. What'll it be?"  
" 2 Extra Large Butterbeers."  
Made Rosemerta just stared at her open mouthed, and, after a few seconds had passed, she left to  
get the drinks.   
Hmm ... What was that all about, Lily wondered.  
  
~*~  
  
Sirius sat in class, at a table all by himself. Lily and James were both supposed to be sitting with  
him, but he had no idea where either of them were. The teachers didn't seem too worried,  
however, they didn't even ask if any one knew where they were. Well, students just didn't skip  
class at Hogwarts, so they must have figured that they had a pretty good reason. But, he was  
getting pretty bored here. He hoped that, wherever James and Lily were, that they were having  
fun. And making up. And hopefully out ... he thought with an evil grin.   
  
But all through our story   
It is finally clear to me  
  
Lily sat in her booth, 8 Extra Large Butterbeers later, feeling very sleepy. She put her head down  
on the soft velvet of the cushion, closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep.  
  
~*~  
  
James sat there, about 10 Butter beers later, feeling thoroughly pissed, though he was sure he  
wasn't, you just can't get drunk off butterbeer, though, in truth, he hadn't exactly nursed them.  
He raised his hand, and called for another 2, when he heard a sound ...  
  
~*~  
  
Lily's dream wasn't making much sense to her at all. First, she saw herself with a baby. They were  
sitting in a room ... The room was white, the furniture was lived in, but it was a very nice room.  
She was singing to the baby, which had her eyes, and a mass of black hair. In a flash, she saw  
herself in a wedding, promising eternal love and loyalty. Then, in a flash, she saw a tiny whit  
house in the bottom of a valley, trees surrounding it. Then, in a flash of green light, she saw  
herself screaming. She saw someone yell.   
"Lily ! Run ! It's him ! Go !'  
"No ! I can't !"  
"You must ! Harry must have a chance to live !  
But then something happened, and the volume started changing like a Gramaphone gone bad.  
" ... Can't ... If it were only us Ja ..."  
"I kno ... I know Li ..."  
She heard someone fall to the floor, could feel herself blanch, and then she saw herself running  
into a different room, grab the baby from his crib, and bring it out. She could hear herself  
pleading.   
" Not Harry Please ! Please .. Take my life instead !"  
Then she saw herself smiling at someone, who's black haired back was to her. Then hugging that  
person, kissing that person, sitting, watching TV with that person. A multitude of memories. And,  
then, right before she woke up, she saw James, the black haired persona, lying, crumpled, dead,  
under huge cinder blocks, his glasses lying beside him.   
  
~*~  
  
James, now thoroughly pissed, thought he could hear some weird noises coming from behind him.  
Naturally, the booths were designed for privacy, so he couldn't just look over and see who was  
there, so what he did was got up and walked around. Lily was lying there, screaming about  
someone called Harry. Occasionally she could smile, and then she would start screaming. She was  
banging her fists on the cover, in sudden outbursts. All of a sudden, she started sobbing. Well, 2  
instincts kicked in, inside of James, once his head cleared. One, was to follow the typical teenage  
boy state of mind, and flee. The other was to be brave, and manly, and all of that, and to comfort  
her. Well, first he started to flee ( Give him a break, he's 16 ), but then, he thought of what had  
happened earlier that day, and how this would be a good opportunity to get back on her good  
side. He stepped up to her, and just as he reached out to touch her, she jerked awake. Blurrily,  
she stumbled up and out of her seat, and crashed right into James. Of course, she probably didn't  
know it was James. She lay there, crying her heart out, until the sobs resided to crying, the crying  
to tears, and the tears to gentle hiccuping, until she stopped completely. When it was done, she  
looked up into James' face, and she went ashen. She looked away immediately.  
"Uh ... I'm sorry ... I ... I had a weird dream, that was all ... please don't be mad ..."  
James just shushed her.   
"Don't worry about it Lily. And ... I'm really sorry for last night. I truly am ..."  
"So am I, James. So am I." And she turned and got up   
  
You are the hope my heart searched for   
So long  
  
  
O h ... why had she done that ? She should have seen an apology when it came. And from James.  
She hadn't expected him to keep chasing after her ... She had known James forever, and he just  
wasn't like that. He firmly believed that if someone was mad at you, they weren't worth crying  
over. But here he was ... trying so hard ... But Lily didn't know if she could forgive him. She  
knew she was being stupid ... even immature. But there was something about giving into him,  
when she knew that every girl gave into whatever he did ... She just didn't agree. Best friends or  
not. Come to speak of it ... that was probably how they became best friends. They were both so  
alike ... proud ... stubborn ... Obnoxious ... couldn't forget that one ... and they loved to have fun.  
It equaled into the perfect relationship. But something went wrong. Something always does.   
  
~*~  
  
James put his head in his hands, now feeling worse than ever, But he made up his mind. He had  
chased after her long enough. He would stop. I mean ... what's stuck up her butt ? It made him  
sick. He had tried. Really. But some people just can't accept apologies ... And James certainly  
wasn't one to apologize.  
  
~*~  
  
When lily arrived back in the Gryffindor Common Room, classes were over, and so was supper.  
She had been there longer than she realized. Daniella jumped on her as soon as she walked in.  
"Lily! You're alright!'  
"Of course I'm alright! Don't be daft! Dumbledore gave me the day off, he didn't kill me!"  
"Oh ... but we didn't know that! Well ... how was it ?"  
"It was ... something."  
"In a good or bad way?"  
"When my hangover goes away, I'll let you know."  
  
It is you I have loved all along  
There were times I ran to hide  
Afraid to show the other side  
  
"James, Buddy ! Where were you !'  
"In Hogsmead. At the pub. Lily was there."  
"Did you apologize?'  
"I tried."  
"Oh, that doesn't sound very good ...'   
"It wasn't intended on good. In fact, it was downright horrible."  
"What did she do now?'  
James related the tale.  
'...and then I apologized ... and said I was sorry ...And all she said was 'So am I James, so am I. I  
mean, I can't keep chasing her forever ... I have NEVER done this ! I don't even see what's so  
special about her." He said grumpily.  
"See James, that's where you're blind."  
And he walked away, leaving James scratching his head in confusion. Stupid dog. He grinned.  
Sirius' dog brain must be affecting his human one ... he laughed, just thinking about Sirius licking  
water out of a bowl in thirty years.   
  
  
  
Alone in the night  
Without you  
But now I know just who you are  
  
Lily decided that this was getting stupid. She couldn't keep on fighting James forever. She wanted  
so badly to be with him, for everything to be right between them again ... but every time she had a  
chance she just kept messing it up. The number of times she could have hit herself over things she  
had done ... she had prided herself on having no regrets ... but even this was being tested.   
  
***  
  
James made up his mind. He was not going to chase after her anymore. And if she apologized ...  
she would feel the wrath of James ... haha ...  
  
***  
  
"James? Can I talk to you?'  
She looked over at James, who was reclining comfortably by the fire, his long legs spread out in  
front of him. He was listening to his friends chatting by the fire, and once in a while, she could  
catch something he said. He smirked, and got up. She brought him over to a lounge in the corner.   
"James ... I just wanted to say that I'm really, REALLY sorry for everything that has happened.  
In the past week or so ... you know what I'm talking about ... and you know that I really like you  
... and I was wondering if we could just forget everything ... and start over. The rest is just a crazy  
mistake."  
"Ha .. I knew you'd come crawling back soon ...' He said with a smirk.   
Her mouth opened in surprise, but she quickly shut it. But then she turned on her heel and left the  
room. As James watched on with a satisfied look on his face.   
  
***  
  
And I know you hold my heart  
Finally, This is where I belong  
It is you I have loved all along   
  
"This is getting kind of pathetic James." Came a voice from behind him.  
He turned around to find Daniella standing there.   
"Seriously James. All you do is stamp all over her feelings."  
"I'm sorry ... Daniella ... but she walked all over my heart with stilettos ! She hasn't exactly been  
a little victim here.'  
"Don't you think it's just about time that you both forgot about it and moved on? Fights happen  
... you two are practically married, a major fight was bound to happen sometime ... and  
sometimes, people just have to make sacrifices and move on ... you can't always get what you  
want."  
"Practically married ?! TO HER?!"  
"Think about it James ..."  
He thought about it. The midnight chats ... pillow fights ... baking cookies at her house ... the little  
tiffs ... trying to teach her how to fly ... watching the sunrise together ... .laughing at Sirius ... The  
day when she kissed him ...  
It was impossible to get her out of his mind. But he had too. He swore to himself that, by this  
time tomorrow, he would no longer be in love with Lily Evans.   
  
***  
  
Lily lay in her room crying. How could James be so cruel ? Were all guys like this ? She had to  
wonder. She thought she knew James so well ... and then he had morphed into some kind of ...  
monster. Would all guys turn into this once they knew that you were in love with them ? She  
hoped not. But she had known James so well ... apparently not. If he had turned on her like this,  
he couldn't be worth it. She swore to herself that, by this time tomorrow, she would no longer be  
in love with James Potter.   
  
***  
  
"Lily?"  
"Yes?"  
"It's Dani."  
"I knew that!"  
"Ok ... I just came to see if you were alright."  
"Why wouldn't I be?"  
"O you know ..."  
"No, I'm afraid I don't. Care to explain?"  
"Oh you're stubborn! Ahh ! You're gonna give me a Hernia! Fine ! If you insist on being like this  
... I know what James said to you ... And I know how you feel about James ..."  
"No you don't."  
"What?'  
"I've sworn to stop loving him. We can meet now as ... friendly and indifferent acquaintances."  
"O my God Lily ... all you and James do anymore is fight. It's getting kind of redundant don't you  
think ?"   
  
All through our story  
It is finally clear to me  
You're the hope my heart has searched for  
So long  
  
Lily let her friends words sink in. Maybe she was right. Maybe she should apologize to James. But  
she felt so overwhelmed by everything. She loved him so much she couldn't have him, if that  
made any sense. She loved him but she hated him. But now he hated her.   
  
And it is you I have loved all along   
All through our story  
It is finally clear to me  
You're the hope my heart has touched for  
So long  
  
"Look James ... I'm really really really sorry. Could you find it in your heart to forgive me?  
Maybe? I'll even get down on my knees ... I love you, I've realized that. I hope it's not too late."  
Lily looked around the empty room. She was practicing what she would say to James. She hoped  
it would be enough. She heard someone cough. She abruptly turned around and found herself  
staring into the smiling face of James Potter.   
  
it is you I have loved  
It is you I have loved  
It is you I have loved ...  
All along 


End file.
